to 'cher with love

its the time of the year again. to celebrate the noble efforts of teachers on august 31. it's been quite a while since i last dropped by school. security is definitely tighter now, all visitors have to leave their ICs or student passes in exchange for a visitor's pass. it's a bit of a hassle but it's worth it, to see how the school have changed over the year(s) i haven't been back to visit.

a water feature was added beside the school's signboard that welcomes visitors into the premises. walls have been repainted, blocks have been named A, B, C, yadayada etc. everything else seems to be as what they used to be during my school years in CTSS. was bumming around at the umbrella area, watching the discipline master trying to get everyone in the quadrangle in order for the games coming up for students.

i felt alone, so small suddenly. no one else came back to visit. i was floating around the school and no one seemed to be bothered about me, as if i was transparent. oh well...

went up to the hall and the prefects student councillors received me warmly, handed me a programme sheet when they knew i didnt have one and guided me to my seat at the back. received stares from the students as if im two-mouth, three-eared monster. saw my sec 3 english teacher and she slapped my thigh real hard as she greeted me. haha, she's already married and now known as Mrs. Ng to the students. i saw my npcc junior and she recognised me and provided me with the updates of which teachers have left and all that.

i saw her. sitting right in front in the hall, watching the mediocre performance put up by students. stale melodies played by the guzheng group girls (puh-lease, don't play 'feng yang hua gu' when it's not chinese new year, it is just plain... off.). and then song after song by the so-called CT Idol finalists. borrrring *yawn* nothing really fantastic about the vocals of the finalists and boy, i was surprised that the parent support group provided more entertainment than the kiddos themselves! everyone applauded and enjoyed the performance by the parents. =) even i myself felt a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

she left in the middle of the performance. i had to speak to her. the last time i saw her as so long ago. i felt like i needed to thank her. walked after her, hoping to be able to speak to her for a short short while. but she disappeared.

walked around up and down the stairs of the school that let me to the staffroom and i couldn't help it but to peek at her pigeon hole. and she's still teaching 3a1 & 4a1 classes. =) asked my ex npcc cca coordinator and then she provided me with leads to where she may be.

i went to the canteen and i saw her. i felt overjoyed, yet at the same time, was at a loss of words. suddenly i didn't know what to say to her.

i called out to her. she remembered me and smiled.
"how are you doing?" we both asked at the same time. i didn't know why, but a sudden rush of tears tried to overpower me but i struggled to maintain my smile and diplomatic answers.

we didn't get to talk much, i wished i knew more about how your life was.

to mrs gan:
you had your unconventional methods to deal with us when we were misbehaving. you always had ur way to intimidate the tough bullies in class and possessed total control over us. you always said that we were angels in your class and total devils in other teachers'.

you've been a great confidant. you've seen the weaker side of me. you saw me break down and cry. you knew of my ambition to make it to a JC, but you told my class that we would do better in a polytechnic. i was upset (me and my warped perceptions), and i thought you thought lowly of us. i studied really hard, so that when the O'levels results came back, i can walk proudly to you and tell you i qualify for a JC, im good enough to be a JC student.

in the end, i chose the polytechnic route. became a mass comm student, a cheerleader in the #1 cheerleading group in singapore and also the president of the best cheerleading group in singapore. i wanted so badly to tell you just how much i've achieved, so you would feel proud of me, so you would feel like the seeds you've sowed have grown and blossomed after your hard work.

i think you saw what kind of a person i was and the environment suited for me then. i'm glad you did and gave me sound advice which i didn't really take note of. but now, im really thankful and grateful for having you in my life. you are truly an inspiration, my guiding light when i couldnt really see at the tender age of 15/16. thanks for all the time you took after school to supervise me doing my A/Emaths sums. thanks for all the little things you've done for us. im still keeping the card that you wrote me before our O'levels examinations. i've kept your motivational article with me as well, to remind me that positive thinking is the key to success (other than hardwork of cuz).

i've come this far, and it wouldn't be possible without you. thank you, so much.