What Special Someday Are We Saving For

A story that I would like to share from an email that I receive every Friday:

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie."

He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite: silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.

"Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least eight or nine years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment. Then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me.

"Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion." I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.

I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life. I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings.

Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event--such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for a small bag of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are fighting a losing battle to stay in my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would have done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing--I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with--someday. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write--one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.

I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes I tell myself that this is a special occasion.

~Ann Wells

Rejections and Reaction

It's been a long time since I received a message in my email that I feel that's worth sharing :)

Rejection takes many forms. You didn't make the team. The college you want to attend turns you down. The woman you asked out said no. You didn't get the job. You were passed over for a promotion. Your husband left you.

Whatever form it takes, being rejected hurts. It is a blow to your ego and challenges your ability to cope. It makes you question yourself. It makes you angry. In its most extreme and painful forms, it generates self-destructive thoughts and behaviors - ranging from rage to drinking binges to suicide.

The tricky thing about rejection, though, is not to avoid it but to choose a positive way of reacting to it. After all, everybody suffers rejection. That is not meant to minimize anyone's pain at being let go or turned down; it is simply to say that you aren't alone. Others have lived through similar - or worse - things. The only way to avoid the risk of rejection is to fail to live, dream, or dare! And that is a far worse thing than being courageous enough to apply for the position, to accept a leadership challenge, or to invest your heart and getting turned down.

In a recent interview reported in the Wall Street Journal, Warren Buffett spoke of his rejection by Harvard Business School at 19. "The truth is, everything that has happened in my life . . . that I thought was a crushing event at the time, has turned out for the better," he said. With the exception of health problems, he continued, life's setbacks teach "lessons that carry you along. You learn that a temporary defeat is not a permanent one. In the end it can be an opportunity."

In Buffett's case, a second-choice application to Columbia put him under the tutelage of two professor-mentors who taught him the essentials he has used in a successful investment career. More important still, the disappointment he thought his father would feel over his failure turned into a positive expression of "unconditional love" and "unconditional belief in me."

Rejection is the challenge to find a new way, a better path. Rather than curse the job you didn't get or the person who didn't hire you, rethink your skills and find another venue for their use. Instead of hiding from life because a relationship has ended and your heart is broken, learn something about yourself from what has happened and know there is someone who needs what you have to give. Temporary setbacks become permanent defeats only if you allow it.

It isn't rejection that determines the outcome. It is your reaction to it.
- Rubel Shelly

Heh, is this a coincidence? Remember just a couple of days I was talking about friendships and keeping in touch.. and the following is the Friday story titled Staying in Touch from bobproctor.com as I subscribed to bobproctor.com to receive Insight of the Day (daily, duh).

Staying In Touch
My usual routine on a Sunday morning is to go for bicycle ride. Today I wanted to do something different so I stopped at the cemetery where my grandparents are buried. I rode only a mile to where their headstone is and cleaned it up a little and reflected. I have only one memory from each of my grandparents that stands out. I remember my grandfather walking me to the corner store one morning for bread. He let me carry the money we were going to spend, and I even got to hand it to the clerk.

My grandmother would often be found on the couch with her eyes closed as if she were sleeping. I asked one day why she always had her eyes closed, her response was that she was resting them. Nothing profound about either memory, but I am glad I have them.

As I continued around the cemetery I noticed small groups of people scattered throughout staring at the grave markers at their feet. I would imagine they too were reflecting.

One man bid me good morning as I rode by, so I stopped to wish him a good morning as well. He replied, 'yes it is a wonderful morning'. With that enthusiastic answer I felt an invitation to talk.

"Sir, I noticed you on the hill up the road, now you are down here. Can I ask you what you are doing?"

"Sure." He replied, as if he had something to tell me. "I come here every Sunday to visit my wife up on the hill, then I come down here to visit my life-long buddy. We were in three wars together you know."

We talked for about 30 minutes, then I asked him. "John, (we exchanged names) what advice would you have to give people as we all grow old?"

"Well, Larry, we don't always have control over our health, or even our wealth. But we have control of keeping in touch with our friends. So, I say stay in touch. Whether you're sick or poor, healthy or wealthy, you can always stay in touch."

My eyes began to swell with tears as I looked at this old man and knew he was right. We talked a little longer then wished each other a good day, we shook hands and left.My early morning bicycle ride made an impression on me today. I hope you got something out of this as well.

Larry D. Schultz