I think some would know just how low my spirits had been recently despite life hasn't been all bad. I have friends around to help me cope with my emotions and the atmosphere at work lift my spirits up temporarily but once these external factors are gone, i'm left on my own to cope.
So I took my weary soul to church on Saturday, and I'm really thankful Ariel rushed over after her tuition appointment to accompany me. She could have chosen to go for the 5:30pm service at expo, but she chose to bring me around. I was nervous, since everyone seem to know everyone and I just felt like a fish out of water. When the praise and worship started, I felt overwhelmed and I started tearing. It seems like everyone around me was in good spirits, and you could feel love around... and all I could think to myself was, "how can there be so much Love around when it's sorely missing from my heart, my world?"
Is it because the people around me have cast their burdens to God for him take care of, so they can free? I don't know how to describe my feelings, but I felt as if I was in the embrace of a close friend and being told it's okay to cry. I don't know if god was really there, i didn't feel any tingling warmth sensation, i don't even know how to tell if god's present.
Sure, some messages caused me a little cognitive dissonance (I can't remember exactly now though), whereas some are in line with my beliefs. The speaker's message was a little tough to comprehend for me, but I got the point. We all have power and authority over our actions, I'm going to be in control of my emotions and let go of my baggages. I don't know, but I no longer feel the gaping hole in my heart...
It's as if it's been filled and I'm at peace with myself again :)
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